Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
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Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
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By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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