I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
