This beer is not sobering me up at all
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
this hospital has no fireball
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
