how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
