I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
