we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
