Only a mothe r could love this liver
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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