I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
