Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
me + whiskey = a bad person
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
