I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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