By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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