the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
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I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
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"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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