I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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