One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We have started to decorate penises.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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