So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
