Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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