Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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