There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
