i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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