Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
