sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
