His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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