Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize