I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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