I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
