Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I FOUND THE LEGS
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
