I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
i've created a new STD.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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