I wish I only lived at night.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I pour the whiskey from now on
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
