dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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