sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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