omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
