I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
