he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We are two peas in an std pod
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
