More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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