he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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