It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
