who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
