I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
