just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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