yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
