where am i from again
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
