So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
