please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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