After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.