I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.