I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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