At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
