The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
