Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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