tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
