When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
