half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
