i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Pants are for mortals
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
