Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize