Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
