We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
