finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
