So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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