Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
