I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
