you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
