I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
