i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
