I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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