What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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