I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
