I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
