Don't make out with my wife yet
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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