U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
