I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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