And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
