If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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