I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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