My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
