My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
