im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
