He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
