My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
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