i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
